J'ai écrit ma 1ère chanson à 14 ans, et jusqu'à mes 19 ans, j'ai continué à écrire dans mon coin, des idées de chansons, des textes, des poèmes, réalisant que j'avais trouvé là un endroit merveilleux où enfouir mes peines et trouver un peu de sérénité, de valeur... 

j'ai intégré quelques groupes locaux (ados comme moi qui répétaient dans le garage de leurs parents et rêvaient de gloire en faisant des reprises de groupes rock, punk ou même métal, mais je ne m'y suis jamais sentie à ma place, d'ailleurs, je ne me suis jamais sentie à ma place nulle part).

En 1997, j'ai enregistré une chanson, une reprise de "cornflakegirl" de tori Amos et je l'ai envoyée à une émission télé qui recherchait des "talents", mais sans succès, et sans réponse.

Je n'ai aucune formation musicale , je suis autodidacte, j'ai appris à chanter toute seule en entrainant ma voix sur celles de chanteuses que j'admirais à l'époque (Kate Bush, Joan Baez, Lisa Gerrard...) et j'ai toujours utilisé ma voix comme mon unique instrument de "travail", bien que des idées d'arrangements, d'autres instruments et de comment ils devaient sonner hantaient perpétuellement mon cerveau.

Malheureusement pour moi, cela m'a aussi rendue très dépendante d'autres musiciens, plus aptes (car formés) à réaliser ce que j'avais en tête, d'où une multitude d'essais râtés, de désillusions et une grande perte de temps qu'on ne peut pas vraiment rattraper.

 

1999

1ère démo et réelle collaboration avec un arrangeur sur mes textes et musiques.

L'arrangeur en question est Jean-Marc Miro ( plus connu sous le nom de Miro).

Je me souviens de la toute 1ère fois où j'ai touché mon cd finalisé et de la fierté que j'ai ressentie.

J'y croyais à l'époque, et j'ai passé les 2 années suivantes à démarcher labels, maisons de disques diverses, en France comme à l'étranger (j'ai vécu en Allemagne 3 ans et j'ai aussi tenté de travailler dans des studios et de harceler Sony music à Frankfurt, presque tous les jours, mais en vain).

A cette époque, chanter et écrire en anglais était mal vu en France, contrairement à aujourd'hui et le style voix/guitare n'était pas au goût du jour.

On m'a demandé à plusieurs reprises de changer mes textes et de les faire en français, de changer mon style ( faire de la dance, de la house, du r'n'b et j'en passe, bref, être tout sauf MOI) et j'ai toujours refusé, parce que je ne voulais pas violer mon intégrité et devenir une autre.

Pas de regrets

 

 
 

 

2001 à nos jours

Les collaborations se sont succédées, plus ou moins sérieuses, plus ou moins abouties et la liste des personnes auxquelles j'ai fait confiance est longue mais je me contenterai de citer celles qui m'ont marquée et ont fait avancer ma façon de vivre la musique et d'écrire, d'une certaine manière.

Ces expériences ont été douloureuses mais constructives.

Douloureuses car recommencer éternellement un projet du début, avec de nouvelles personnes et ce pour diverses raisons de leur part (familiales, personnelles, ego, etc...) n'est pas une chose facile.

J'ai été blessée mais pour une raison que j'ignore, je me suis toujours accrochée à mon rêve.

j'ai aussi appris grâce à toutes ces personnes et finalement, je ne cultive plus l'amertume, du moins j'essaie, car l'amertume nous consume et nous rend mauvais, tue ce qu'il y a de vivant et de beau en nous.

Ma collaboration avec Paul Levis aura été très importante, même si elle aura aussi été très chaotique et son investissement en "dents de scie".

Je le considérais comme mon ami, comme mon âme soeur artistique, comme quelqu'un de doué et qui partageait le même intérêt pour la musique vraie, celle qui vient du coeur, celle qui n'appartient qu'à nous, celle qui ne représente que notre âme, en dehors de tout système ou de toute mode.

Quand cet ami m'a trahie à sa façon, j'ai mis du temps à m'en remettre et je me suis sentie abandonnée,une fois de plus.

J'ai songé maintes et maintes fois à renoncer à tout ça, je passe mon temps à me remettre en question, à douter, à ne pas me trouver assez à la hauteur, et puis la musique se rappelle à moi...Elle est plus qu'une drogue, elle gouverne mon âme, ma vie, et quand je suis en crise de manque, comme en ce moment, je ne pense qu'à mourir, aussi extrême que cela puisse sembler.

Je ne sais pas si je suis une artiste, mais je sais que l'art est la chose la plus belle qui soit.

 

 

 

Restless

I am restless and i can't define
what's the problem with my mind
I am restless and i can't decide
wether i should fight or die...

Everytime i close my eyes
scary people come out of the dark
i am useless when my brain goes
mad mad mad

And i try to hang on to life
and i try to stop listening to the dark side
but i can't do much about that
my skin's my diary , for now....

I am restless and i can't define
if it's worth staying alive
in a world,
i'll never fit in

I am not even scared to die,
i'm not sure i should cry or smile
But who cares,
if i visit the sky ?

People will keep on with theirs lives
people will mourn but it won't last
Will I be called brave or
a coward ?


my skin's my diary , for now....
my skin's my diary , for now....
my skin's my diary , for now....
my skin's my diary , for now....

 

 

 

Pyros

Don’t light up a fire and then run away
Now that it is bigger than what you thought it would be
Don’t play with the girl if she is on her knees
Don’t let fear be your advisor
All you need is to be with me

Don’t light up a fire and then fly away
Scared because it’s stronger than what you thought it could be
No I,
Didn’t ask for you to fool me
With words that warmed my heart and made me feel unique

Don’t light up a fire and then run away
Now that it is bigger than what you thought it would be
I’ve been wishing so hard for you to come back to me
But I won’t be dreaming that long
Oh, you’d better hurry
‘Cause I,
Never asked for you to come to me
You were, the one starving for me
No I,
Didn’t ask for you to come to me
You were, the one shining for me
Baby hear me...Baby love me...

Your demons are your jail keepers
They force you to deny me
And I’m so jealous of them
Because you trust them more than me


How many times should I say it
For you to finally believe me ?
These precious words, they can’t be wasted
so don’t you turn your back on me...Please.

‘Cause I,
Never asked for you to come to me
You were, the one starving for me
No I,
Didn’t ask for you to come to me
You were, the one shining for me
 

 

 

To turn the page

What can I say to those who accuse me

Of taking delights

In sorrow and regrets?

To be able to walk in, these shoes

For it’s not so simple

To forget

 

And everything reminds me of, this moment

Yes young girls are often

Living in a dream

I tried to believe that it was not important

I was expecting

Too much from me

 

She’ll never forgive you for tearing it all

(Was it only that?)

This act of destruction was based on a lie

I need to turn the page now

 

How can I forget? How can I digest?

When it still

Burns like Hell

I try to deride but I’m not so smart

When it comes

To showing feelings again

 

You know I prayed for the sky to open itself

Swallow

Me and my burden

And though the child’s been harmed

There’s a little old flame and song to remind me of

Happiness

 

She’ll never forgive you for tearing it all

(Was it only that?)

This act of destruction was based on a lie

I need to turn the page now

 

What can I say to you who try to approach me?

I’m not obsessed,

Only unhappy

It’s hard to forgive and so hard to forget

I was just a toy between my

Enemy’s hands

 

But the desire is here not to let this thing ruin me and to find

My way again

Then the ones that I love will understand maybe, that I am

Only human

 

She’ll never forgive you for tearing it all

(Was it only that?)

This act of destruction was based on a lie

I need to turn the page now

 

She’ll never forgive you for tearing it all

(Was it only that?)

This act of destruction was based on a lie

I need to turn the page now

 

And when all this is over, whenever it’s over

I might like what I see in the mirror

And stop being so unfairly hard on myself

Me,

This silent partner.

 

 

Under your skin there’s a dry land

 

Baby can’t you see?

Her G spot is in your wallet

Baby can’t you see?

She’s all smiles when you dig in it

 

Ahhhh…what wouldn’t you do?

Ahhh…to let some illusion in

Ahhh…what wouldn’t you do?

Ahhh…to feel young again

 

Baby it’s sad to see

But under your skin there’s a dry land

Baby it’s sad to see

But under your skin there’s a dry, land

Oh oh oh oh oh

 

Ahhh…what wouldn’t you do?

Ahhh…to feel like a man again

Ahhh…what wouldn’t she do?

Ahhh…to be warm and safe

 

But it’s fair,

Fair

Fair

 

 

 

Unwise

I’m not hiding things from you

But you can’t blame me, for not, wanting to

Share, this secret in my heart

For I know you’ll turn what’s beautiful, into, something cold

 

I hate, to hide things from you

What touches me should also, touch, you

I wish, I could confide in you

Because of all the love I have for you

 

But sooner or later

Cause it’s in your nature

Though you deny it

You always need to point at something

 

Sooner or later

Cause it’s in my nature

My chains will break out

And I am gonna be unwise

 

Cause your judgement and narrow mind

Constant blackmail and, masquerade

Scare me so much, so much at times

I don’t want to lose my smile

 

Your judgement and narrow mind

Constant blackmail and, masquerade

Kill me so much, so much at times

I’ve been struggling to get it back

 

Tell me what’s allowed in this life?

Cause if not now, when will I have the right?

To be myself, to live my life

To be myself, to live my life

Or should I wait for when I die?

should I wait for when I die?

 

 

 

 

Old demons

Old demons, my cold friends

You come to haunt me again

Why put these dark thoughts, in my brain, in my brain?

Is my happiness something you can’t bare?

 

Me being happy, means you being lonely

I understand you, don’t wanna lose me

Could be so touching, could be sort of sweet

If only it wasn’t, lethal to me

 

Old demons, my ugly friends

Why you need to torture me again?

There’s no one to understand that my life is a mess

 

I cry for anything

Suspect every little change

If the tone of his voice

Somehow no more the same

 

Me being happy…(x2)

Insanity’s in sight

Insanity’s in sight

And I create what I fear at night

Insanity’s in sight

Insanity’s in sight

And I create what I fear at night

Just to prove that I was right

Just to prove that I was right (x2)

 

 

No need to explain

Hands broken
Feet stuck in the ground
My wings are burning
My eyes are closed, now

I don’t see you hide
I don’t hear you lie
No words have been spoken
Don’t need them to, understand

That it’s over
it is over

yeah it’s over
Come on, say it’s over

It’s all in your hand
When it touches my hand
And the way you’ve changed
It’s all in your glance

It’s all in your hand
My reliable man
No need to explain
It’s in these fuckin’ small details

And it’s over
 

It is over
Yeah it’s over
Come on, say it’s over

No need to explain...No need to explain...No need to explain...No need to explain

‘ Cause it’s all in your hand
My reliable man
And the way you’ve changed
It’s in these fuckin’ small details

‘Cause it’s all in your hand
My reliable man
No need to explain
It’s in these fuckin’ small details

 

 

 

 

Epilogue

Mister, had a great heart,
But never knew whom to give it to
Oh but he offered me, good poetry
Words of friendship and then... disappeared
 

Just like others, before him
I had no choice, learned how to deal with it
Became an habit

I've listened to those in panic
To those who were good at talking for nothing
And yes, they took from me,
Drew on me
to finally turn on their back to me
 

Just like others,

Boy, no big deal!
I'm telling you I've learned to deal with it
My little manics
But I've never asked, never asked, for anything
No I've never asked, never asked, for anything

So, leave me alone, if you can't be faithful to me
Leave me alone if you can't be truthful to me

 I need some rest, some peace of mind
Comforting lies to save my fading smile
Hey but, I don't mind, no, no, no
 

So, leave me alone, if you can't be faithful to me
Leave me alone if you can't be truthful to me
 

 

 

Dew

I gave my heart, like a child

You kicked in it like in a, balloon

You threw it to...to the sky

Could have reached the moon

 

It reached the sky, and it exploded

In so many particles

If someone finds a piece of this

Please, bury it deep

If someone finds it...Bury it deep

So no one else can use it...And hurt me

If someone finds it...Bury it deep

So no one else can waste it...

 

I gave my heart, like a child

You kicked in it like in a, balloon

It reached the sky, could have reached the moon

Small particles of tears, like dew

If someone finds it...Bury it deep

So no one else can use it...And hurt me

 

If someone finds it...Bury it deep

So no one else can waste it...

If someone finds it...Please, bury it deep

So no one else can use it...And hurt me...

If someone finds it...Please, bury it deep

So no one else can waste me...

 

I gave my heart

Like a child

You kicked in it, like in a balloon

It reached the sky, could have reached the moon

Small particles falling down, like dust…

 

 

 

Was I sleeping?

Spending hours, killing time

Just a shadow of what needs to be mine

Need to learn, need to find, need to know

Who I really am deep inside

 

Don’t torture me, keep your smile, keep your word

I still haven’t made up my mind

Don’t torture me, keep your smile, keep your word

I still haven’t made up my mind

 

‘Cause I can’t open up,

Was I sleeping all this time?

I can’t open up,

Was I sleeping all this time?

 

My lost soul has some haunting questions

Maybe He’ll answer me

Didn’t I call out his name?

Burn a whole candle, just to see

 

Maybe I’ll inspire him some kind of pity, it’s for free

Maybe I’ll inspire him some kind of pity, it’s for free

‘Cause I can’t open up, and I was sleeping all this time

I can’t open up, I’m only waiting for a sign...

 

Go away! Go away! Go away!

Now the loneliness belongs to me

You made me hope, made me creep, made me lay

Left me weak as I don’t wanna be

You’ll never reach that point deep deep,

Deeply inside, deeply inside of me

You’ll never reach that point deep deep,

Deeply inside....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I hate u

I hate u, I hate u, I hate u , I hate u

You and your dirty ways

I hate u, I hate u, I hate u, I hate u

You’re a jerk and you won’t change

 

I hate u, I hate u, I hate u, I hate u

I won’t be your audience

I hate u, I hate u, I hate u, I hate u

Oh how I wish you dead

 

So carry on, fooling your world

Keep showing off

Thinking you’re important

 

So carry on, fooling yourself

But don’t come too close

Keep your distance

 

Or I’ll kill u, I’ll kill u, I’ll kill u, I’ll kill u

Put all my skill in this

I’ll kill u, ill kill u, ill kill u, I’ll kill u

It’s not just a promise

It’s not just a promise

It’s not just a promise!

 

So carry on, fooling your world

Keep showing off

Thinking you’re important

 

Illumi-Nation

I understand, I understand that so many of you

Still don’t wanna know

But I wanna cry, I wanna cry

When I see how many things people ignore

 

Open your mind, open your eyes

Stop being the puppets that they want you to

‘Cause I wanna shout, I wanna shout

When I see how much destruction will be caused

 

Whooo…

 

There’s a power that is hiding in the dark

It’s waiting for its hour

Expecting us to stay blind

It scares me to death

For I see what they have in mind

And they’re everywhere

Preparing for the ultimate fighting

 

Whooo….

 

 

 

 

Fight or die

There’s no place for the weak, there’s no room for the poor

Yet they make us believe we all have the same chances

But the truth is that, it’s just “fight or die”

Its just “fight or die”, the rules have been set by the strongest ones.

 

There’s no place for your dreams, and you are not “unique”

You’ve been crashed by the big machine, and you try to survive

But the truth is that, it’s just “fight or die”

If you don’t fight you’ll die, the rules have been set by the powerful ones.

 

Oh oh oh

 

And do you think I’m pretty, dressed up with my bills?

Life is not a comedy, nothing shines and nothing glitters

Where’s my happy ending, though I’m not “daddy’s little queen”?

Every day is a lesson, every day is a struggle

 

There’s no place for the weak, there’s no room for the poor

Yet they make us believe we all have many options

There’s no place for my dreams and I am not “unique”

I’ve been crashed by the big machine, but I try to survive

 

I try to survive, I try to survive, I try to survive, and I try to survive

I try to survive, I try to survive, I try to survive, and I try to survive

 

 

The perfect daughter

 

Disappointment is what I see, when you put your eyes on me

All that’s happening to you, must be somebody else’s fault,

Every thought I have is for you, find the answers was my goal

To show you I am here, for you

But you don’t believe in these words,

 

All I can do is never, never, never, never

Enough, for you

Oh never, never, never, never

 

Despise is what I feel, whenever you talk to me

All that’s happening to you

Is just nobody else’s fault

Anger is what I see , when you put your eyes on me

And the woman I try to be, must be some sort of threat to you

 

All I can do is never, never, never, never

Right  enough for you

Oh never…

And the boy I’m with,

will never, never, never, never be

Good enough, to you

Oh never, never, never, never

And the life I lead, is just, is just, is just, just

A waste of time to you

Of time, of time, of time

 

So all I can try

Is escape…

Or stay and lose my mind

Though I tried, tried, tried, hard

To be the slave

You want me, you want me, you want me,

 you want me

To be that girl

You want me, you want me, you want me,

The perfect daughter.

 

 

 

My friend

My friend you make me laugh ‘cause you’re so addicted to love

Addicted to flesh and you say it with no complex

I wish I had your style, but I’m so freaking uptight

Oh help me save my life, leave the guilt for the last second

Help me change this mind

 

Help me save my life, leave the guilt behind and

Have your style, have your style, have your style

Have you style have your style have your style

 

My friend you make me dream but you’re way too far from here

And we’re both in trouble with all the politicians

For we can’t shut our mouth, we have to bring it on all the time

 

I’m more Hepburn than Mae West, more a creature than a beast

I’m more boring than a man, I’m condemned to play the game (x2)

 

My friend you make me laugh ‘cause you’re so addicted to lust

You never give a damn about what other people might think

And you’re free, you’re so beautiful and free

Help me save my life, leave the guilt behind and

Have your style, have your style, have your style (x4)

 

 

Little star

Here’s a chance for you to say

What I need to hear you say

Here’s a chance for you to be

The loving person that I miss

 

Oh cold woman

Your heart used to be warm

But you speak ugly words

When you’re back against the wall

So I rebuild

My broken little world

And shit turns into gold

When you finally say those words

 

“I’m so proud of you, so proud of who you are

I’m so proud of you, you’re still my little star”

 

But some things will never change

And your love is not for free

It took me years to understand

How small I feel when you are near

So I rebuild

A sort of family

Shit stops covering my face

When people believe in me and say

 

“We’re so proud of you, so proud of who you are

We’re so proud of you, you are a little star”

 

Oh cold woman

Who could arrive at your ankle?

And guilt is your assistant

Every time you feel in danger

 

And i was proud of you,  so Proud of who you were

if it's still in you,  let it be shown again

 i was proud of you, so Proud of all you gave

if it's still in you, please let it be shown again

 

 

 

 

 

 

No Fairytale

Chemical rimes with magical

I’ve been advised not to fall into this

But every night, it’s fighting time

And every morning, I feel like floating

 

Despair and sadness, they’re my new friends

They’ll be quite faithful until the end

So I cut myself, to feel the hurting

And feel the blood run, on my skin

 

No fairytale

No fairytale

Cutting myself

Makes me feel human again

 

Don’t you judge what you can’t understand

I’ve come to a point where nothing really matters

So pill after pill, lie after lie

I count the days

And hang on to anyone

 

No fairytale

No fairytale

Cutting myself

Is the only way to escape

 

Don’t try to understand! Don’t try ‘cause you can’t

 

 

 

The Corridor

Here, it’s just a corridor

Here is not my home

If I suffer

I know it won’t last forever

Here, is not my home

 

Now, it all makes sense

The vision couldn’t be clearer

My torment might have a meaning after all

The vision couldn’t be clearer

 

For I am, where I was meant to be

 

So you can come, now and relieve me

You can come now, please, I am waiting

I didn’t fail, see, I kept my promise

Under your threats, I still kept my promise

 

Now, it all makes sense

I have become so much wiser

For I am, where I was meant to be

For I am, where I was meant to be

 

I stood strong

I held on

But the game has been going on,

 For way too long

the game has been going on

It makes sense

Wasn’t always the case

The vision is clear

For home is near

 

And I am where I was meant to be

I stood strong, I held on (avec 2ème voix)

 

Here, is just a corridor

Here is not my home

If I suffer

I know it won’t last forever

For here, was never my home

 

 

 

Alice

First it’s cold, and then it’s bright

When you cross the other side

Would it help

If I could join your escape?

 

You got nothing to lose

Leaving boredom behind

You will soon,

Know what it’s all about

And you see

 It was no lie

‘Cause Wonderland is almost at sight

 

You’re curious

But are you brave?

Is it a dream or a nightmare?

Follow me and I’ll show you the key

 

If you could make a wish

What would it be?

Hold your breath and

Jump with me

 

Little girl it’s no time to cry

You fell asleep, now deal with that

It’s all in your head, the wonderful land

It’s all in your head

You’ve been trapped

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The unpredictable lovesong

I could fall in love with you

Wish for your arms to surround me

But all I do is fall for the

Very stupid idea of it

 

I could get so excited

Then feel sorry for myself

Waiting hours for a call

Is there a way to temper your cynical ways?

 

I should fall in love with your shadow

It’s the only thing you allow me to

I should fall in love with your shadow

And I’m sure it’s harmless, it’s not like you

 

I used to let my imagination flow

Figure out the way your eyes could shine

When the lights are not so bright

When you let me put some fever inside

 

So let me steal this perfect moment

You know I’m shy so, don’t be arrogant

Or I’ll have to open my world

To someone else, someone who wouldn’t hurt

 

I could fall in love with your shadow

It’s the only thing you allow me to

I could fall in love with your shadow

And I’m sure it’s harmless, it’s not like you

 

I could fall in love with your shadow

It’s the only thing you allow me to

I could fall in love with your shadow

And I’m sure it’s harmless, it’s not like you

 

I could fall in love with your shadow

It’s the only thing you allow me to

I could fall in love with your shadow

And I’m sure it’s harmless, it’s not like you

 

 

 

 

Hall of Fame

This place is a hall of fame

For they all want to be a masterpiece

And you pretend to be better than I am

Is it something you really need to believe?

 

I stand between the winner and the loser

I stand between the broker and the pimp

So won’t you let me find a decent middle?

So won’t you let me find a way to co-exist?

 

What if you tried to give me a chance?

What if you tried to make it easy for me?

‘Cause truth isn’t always what it seems

Why do you look at me like I’m a freak?

‘Cause I stand between...

 

Oh, this world is yours, it’s your territory

Dear moneymakers and sweet, beauty queens

Oh, this world it’ll soon be our cemetery

Could you lend us some of your self-esteem?

And I stand between...

 

I stand between...(this place is a Hall of Fame…)